An All About Me Post: The “Why” Behind My Blogging
I’m excited to see you again! Well, part of my break in posts was because my family was going to have a busy couple of weeks coming up and I didn’t want to be tempted to choose the screen over them.
However, I discovered that blogging was actually therapeutic for me.
It’s MY outlet in this busy world- away from my busy family- without physically being away.
IT'S.JUST.FOR. ME.
Those of you who know me, know I.LOVE.TO.TALK.
SURPRISE!!!!
It’s not because I’m extroverted. It’s because I process SO much internally in my heart and mind!
When I returned to work three years ago, they made me take a personality test and I scored a 9 out of 10 as an Introvert.
Surprise! SHOCKER to me too!
But it makes SO much sense now every time I think about it.
I can’t tell you how long I have struggled with being ok with BEING. ME.
I’ve always thought I stuck out instead of fit in. Even if my performance or achievement in areas were comparable or higher to others- my thoughts and ideas were in a league of their own.
When I would share ideas even as a kid , it seemed like no one fully understood.
I’m fun and creative, but in the weirdest ways. One of my favorite third grade memories was a story I called, “Booger the Blowfish.”
CLASSIC. CRYSTAL.
GO. FIGURE.
To throw an oxymoron in the mix and confuse me for three decades, I’ve always had a really strong draw to be with people, but I am naturally SO SHY. My small talk game sucked passed Hi! How are you? How are you handling the weather?
Then,Blank stare.
Next, Blank look down .
Finally, AKWARD pause.
(One or both of us walk away)
I think that’s why I walked around with candy so much and surrounded myself with food at all parties- So, I.DON’T.HAVE.TO.TALK.
#skilled-cop-out
Over time, I’ve learned more and more how to be socially competent. Small talk is still a struggle for me today, but I value loving people more than any of my insecurities.
AHHH.. insecurities. Yes, I still have them and I’m going to be such a girl for a moment and name them out. I fear failure. I fear what other people think of me. I fear not being accepted in any capacity. I fear being alone in the sense of companionship.. (not, actually in space or time, because introverts thrive and recharge on time alone.)
NONETHELESS. I let My Jesus take those fears and I wear my Big GIRL panties each day to help, work, and learn about whatever needs to be done.
I may not get everything done (which I’m getting better at accepting), but I give each day my best efforts.
That.is.what.counts.
I also realized something mind- blowing!
I think I’m just a gifted LEARNER.
Literally. Gifted. Check out how many of these attributes I carry on in all categories.
So, I’m an introvert who finds “alone” time on this blog. I don’t want to give you advise or tell you how to live your life! I can’t even figure that out on my own most days.
I can just share my thoughts and tell you a couple of stories in between.
I don’t sleep much and am up a lot at night for the babies.
Now, I wish could sleep outside of that...but, most days, I function just fine on 3 hours of sleep... weird.. I know.
Truth- my thoughts keep me up a lot and, if I don’t address them some way, shape, or form...
I can’t. LITERALLY. TURN. MY.MIND. OFF.
My mind is always thinking!
So, I do a little of everything including this blog. I’ll enjoy it as long as it is not divisive or malicious to my family or others.
Thanks for reading and sharing your time.
Love.Always.
Crystal
Comments
Post a Comment