Coming back into the Classroom: What Has Changed?

Hey Readers-

I'm sure you can find many rants on this topic, but this post isn't that kind of post.

The. biggest. change. in. my. classroom. is. ME.

It took me MANY years to get to this point- to admit and stick with it.  However, it  is the only thing that has changed AND made the best impact.

See, teaching is a profession that is VERY consuming.  My teacher friend had read another blog that said teaching will "take all the space up in your life that you give it" and in years past-  I really do know (in not the best way) that to be true.

Before I recognized teaching was my passion and that it can be healthy, I spent my first six years letting it RULE my life.

Quite frankly, I was OBSESSED.  I stayed at school all the time- early, late, into the summer.  I worked a second job the first three years before I got married- to buy classroom stuff and things for MY kids.  Yes, I took my students very personally-  they were my kids and I always vowed to love them as if they were my own.

I was  that "great" teacher.  You can ask any of my students/parents and they would all tell you the same.

But, was it really healthy???

Every part of me-emotions, self-worth- was tied into my successes in the classroom.  For those of us who teach, you know that is a dangerous place to be.

Outside of the lesson planning and classroom decor, I was unknowingly vulnerable and fragile-  insecure in all other areas of my life.  Teaching became my safe haven from all those insecurities that marinate in a single woman in her twenties... but, teaching was never meant to be that place.

I didn't know then, but now I know.

Here's my journey through it...

Rewind back into marriage. This was the first place I recognized I had a problem.
See, I had met my husband, Ben, on match.com and I enjoyed our courtship long distance for one and a half years.  While we were dating, everything was scheduled and, since we didn't live close to each other, every reunion was exciting and full of joy.

Being married was WAY different-mostly because we were now living together but also because we had moved away to South Carolina and he started residency with crazy hours.  It took months to get a teaching position, but I got one.  I will admit- my heart grew more resentful over time at him for keeping me away from my craft and even my home.

Nonetheless, I was hired back to teach in 3rd grade by November that year and miraculously hired back for two years after that.  At WES, I taught my three roughest teaching years of my career- everyone knew it, but I can only recently own up to admitting it NOW.  For a long time, I just thought it was a territory you walked into when teaching in a Title 1 school-  but, now I know, not  all Title One schools have to be that hard.
*disclaimer*
It wasn't the school- WES is a lovely school with great, strong teachers-  but it was the difficult circumstances that happened the three years I was hired there.  I was hired the first year there because the class had been left by a teacher every year- K, 1st, 2nd, and now 3rd grade.  Then, the second year hired there, my principal left the school and we had a series of interim principals until we settled with a permanent one.  Then, I moved to K (my favorite grade level) the last year- but I had such a LOW academic group with one undiagnosed child with special needs who couldn't even speak and 6 children who didn't speak ANY English.

Man...it was HARD- but how I loved those years looking back... cause I LOVED THOSE KIDS HARD.  HARDER THAN I HAD EVER LOVED BEFORE.  They. all . knew. it.

But, then there was my husband, and well, I can't say I always had space or time to give to him.

Teaching can do that to you if you aren't careful.

So, my first two years of marriage was pretty rocky because, those of you who are married know that marriage takes time and hard work right from the start.  Well, in the first year of residency, you aren't awarded much time to yourself let alone with your spouse.  So, I filled those lonely moments with work.  By the second year, I fell into old habits of giving my job all my time-and with leadership changing constantly as principal- it felt like an unavoidable need.
But, even as Ben's schedule opened up in time, my schedule didn't make room for him as much as it should have.  So, year two felt more like  checking in with a roommate rather than a spouse.  By year three, we both turned deeply to Jesus for help.

Was there a happy ending??? Well, YES!  We ended the year in renewing our vows- just the two of us- vowing to put our marriage first. always.

Coming back to Virginia, I decided it was best to take some time off from teaching to be there for my husband at home in a way I wasn't when I was working.  We had been trying to have a baby for two years and I secretly blamed myself for sabotaging  my chances by always choosing school before him at home.   

Nonetheless, it was a healthy break and special time away to reflect and rekindle who I was as a wife and a NEW woman of faith.  Aww... entered. faith. in. my. life.  

Faith- was the only thing saving me those three years I didn't have my crap together... Honestly, it was the only thing that literally gave me hope of something better to come each passing moment of the day- year after year.  When I would read the Bible, He would tell me I'm a daughter of the King and said things like I was worth more than gold.  Also, He would have all these inspiring quotes AKA scriptures that made me feel worth more than just my performance.

In fact, through faith I SEE WORTH IN ALL PEOPLE and I can't turn it off.

My perspective in the classroom is LIGHT YEARS ahead of where I was in my twenties just trying to prepare kindergarteners for 1st grade.  Now, in the classroom, I'm growing World Changers.  

My four pillars of learning include being "Prepped and Ready"; having "Attitude Awareness";  giving "Respect", owning "Responsibility", and participating in"Teamwork".  My students learn to do their PART in school each day.    I teach them that their PART is important (*ahem* self worth) and I model my teaching methods and decisions to support these pillars.

Before even stepping foot back into my classroom again-  I wrote myself personal teaching goals.  They are as follows:
1.  LOVE my students so that they KNOW THEY ARE LOVED  (oldie but goodie)
2.  EMPOWER them to THINK and BE independent
3.  INSPIRE them to dream and be the best they can be
Now... after, this year- I'm adding...
4.  ENGAGE because I want to only put materials/work infront of them with long-lasting benefit and worth


The last three years, teaching with this new perspective, has unexpectedly put me on TOP of my TEACHING GAME.  I teach as if I'm human and I teach young kids about what it's like being human in the REAL world-  not to be mistaken with the virtual world of gaming or the internet.

I value their presence.  I talk to them about SOL related topics and some not.  We learn.  We try.  We make mistakes constantly and I hold them accountable for them- academically and socially.  But, I also teach them how to "not quit" in response to failure; forgive in response to adversity; and talk to each other in the midst of conflict.  I use the curriculum to build my lessons and schedule-  but I INTENTIONALLY manage my class in a way that breeds all of these life skills in practice each.and. every. day.

It's the context of my teaching and it's the BIGGEST impact I have had on my students.. not just into 1st grade but for the rest of their lives.

Thank you Lord for a higher perspective than just academic preparation with the use of a public school classroom. This year was the first year I didn't lead Young Life with my husband.  It was a hard decision, but we prayed on it and knew it was best. 

Now, I think my classroom is my new mission field.  I have this supernatural impact to build young people up to face a sometimes hard, broken world.

Thanks for the opportunity admin and Jesus.  I promise to steward the role with all my heart.
With Love. Always.
Crystal