How Words of Encouragement Drive my Hard Work

This is a card I cut out of a magazine in college.  I still carry it around with me today.

Dear Readers-

I am driven by Words of Encouragement.
When I feel encouraged, I work the hardest.

My favorite kind of work stems from accomplishing my biggest dream of life.
It is... to change the world.

Literally-  this is (was)  my childhood dream.

A constant thought that revisits my head-

BUT. TRUE. every year that passes.  everyday I wake up.

I. grow. more. and more. anxious. to. make. changes.in. my. sphere. of. influence.

I don't share this with everyone often cause people think I'm kidding or that I'm just too optimistic.  

BUT. NO. I'm not kidding and I am optimistic enough to keep on trying.

I grew up with a very (even today) hardworking family.  Whether it was our jobs, around the house, or for a personal need in the family- we were trained to show up and do what we can- bottom line.

Inside my family-  it always felt good and safe.

Outside of my family-  it just felt like I was working too hard.

For a long time, I never understood why and how  it could feel so different- until I let myself dream again.

I'll never forget the day I realized I was too jaded to dream BIG.  

It was the fall of Ben and I's second year of marriage.  We went for a walk around the neighborhood and Ben had just finished reading a medical journal with ads of practicing in some beach town with housing benefits and etc.  He said "Wouldn't it be cool if we could practice at the beach?"  I quickly replied with "Beach, do you know how much a place would cost and the insurance premiums?  It would be a tourist area-  what would the schools look like?  Can people raise kids at the beach?  Who are they going to play with on the off season?"

Quickly-  Ben replied, "You sure know how to kill  a dream."

Ha.  I instantly felt like a puppy who had an accident on the carpet.

I responded back, "Well in my family we don't dream passed what we can manage."

My. heart. sank. inside.

I knew in that moment- that somewhere in time without permission- my heart grew cold.

I was such a huge dreamer as a child.

Creative.  Imaginative. and, of course, Optimistic.

My family's principle of hard work only enhanced my wants for more in life.

But looking back and thinking about where my dreaming first died.

It's in other people's comments and questioning in response to my hard work.

In the REAL world, hard work isn't always viewed as a good thing.

In my heart and head, it just felt like countless rejections even before words were actually said.

So, I think I just put dreams aside and joined the "practical" life of living and only thought in such manners.  I guess years had passed by and I didn't even know.

Well, fast forward, 8 years later.

I am working on the biggest sub-dream I've ever tackled:  Changing the teaching world.

I dream to help my teaching colleagues streamline  the teaching non-negotiables in the classroom for effective,  long term efficiency. 

 I dream of taking the old principles of learning through play and marrying it with new concepts of data, rigor, differentiation, and equity.  

I dream of loving students like my own kids- with positive discipline, accountability, and character building.

I dream of more opportunities of play built into my schedule- PERIOD.

Lastly,

 I dream of a better livelihood for those who have a heart for public school education- one that makes it more than okay for an educator to take care of themselves AND take care of their own families.

Whoo. It felt good saying that out in public.

I grew up idolizing famous teachers like Ron Clark and watching movies like Freedom Writers cause they liked serving and teaching in the communities I have a heart to teach in- Title One- underserved.

The difference they made in students lives is what I aimed for LONG TERM.

Coming back into teaching after kids, I realized that kind of impact won't come with my traditional ways of teaching UNLESS I give it ALL of my life and ALL of my time.

Before a family, I was willing to give just that.  But, with a family, I didn't want to do it.

SO, I have spent the last three years, IMPERFECTLY, trying to figure this out-  

Could I possibly be a GREAT, IMPACTFUL teacher AND a good mom/wife?

Well, in my heart, Jesus keeps SCREAMING- YES.

I am literally on this journey currently this summer to write down, plan, and share what I have been doing in my classroom the last three years.  It's been a work in progress but I really, truly feel the Lord is and has been doing something in me that can help figure out how to be both.

It's been a time consuming and vulnerable process, but I ride the wave with encouraging self-talk to
combat the feelings of fear or failure when putting out the hard work to get it done.

I have a home office at home where I do all that "hard work" I had mentioned.  These are some inspiring, encouraging things I have hanging up in  that area to keep me motivated and working.

Struggles come and go, but dreams are ALWAYS worth chasing.
Here's to changing the world...

With Love. Always,
Crystal