A Real Struggle: A Life of Service with Self-care

Dear Friends-

Going back to work has always been anxiety provoking in my life as a teacher.

Even the first year, setting up my bare classroom, I felt stressed of the never-ending list of "To Dos" I was responsible for and the long list of "I don't have ..." to do it the way I want.

Over the summer, I got a glimpse of what it felt like to self-care.  For me, it was blogging, occasional exercise, and just time to myself.  As busy as it still was and always has been, I finally felt that I was more aware of my own personal needs and interests.

I really enjoyed that feeling over the summer and felt courageous and strong enough to even sign up for a publishing venture- and, PUBLICLY, tell people about it before it even got started.

WOW.  I think I kind of scared myself into hiding a little because I was just so new to this new self.

Going back to work- back into the daily grind of home and work-  I kind of miss that girl.

So, I think as unrealistic  as it seems to most people, I think I'm going to try to change some personal habits and routines that lead me into unhealthy care of myself during the school year and make time and space for the things that I love to keep my mind and heart clean and sane.

Those who know me best know I am pretty darn organized.

I mean. o.r.g.a.n.i.z.e.d. from schedule to everything in my house has a designated spot or place.

Well, for the first time EVER, I am putting my exercise class and bible study on my work week schedule. WATCH OUT NOW!

Also, I have been driving my daughter after school each day to do after school care at her old Montessori school.  It's been a struggle to leave work sometimes and then go back especially if I have to plan dinner, take Reggie and Reagan to two extra circular activities during the week and I want to catch my own workout class and bible study AND take care of work so I don't bring home anything on the weekends!

Me and Reagan had a talk.  I'm signing her up for the YMCA at school.  If you ever been after school with the YMCA kids running the halls, you would get a little hesitant to sign her up.   But at the end of the day, I'd rather have her playing on the playground with friends than playing on my computer or smart board in the classroom for at least an hour before I can get her playing with any friends. 

 I need to know my limits.  She's actually pretty excited about it and I'm just praying to Jesus she keeps safe!

On top of putting some things "just for me" on my work week schedule.  I am being more firm about sharing home/childcare responsibilities with my husband.

Naturally, I take care of business pretty seamlessly- finances, childcare, meals, laundry, chores, scheduling, and transportation.... pretty much anything besides lawn care and home repairs. 

At the start of our marriage, through residency and even urgent care, it was very clear that I needed to care for all of those things to make our life work.

As the number of kids have grown and even as the kids begin to mature and age, their needs are constantly growing and changing.

I confessed to my husband earlier this year I just can't do all those things alone anymore.

For us, it's been a long journey  a lot of different directions:  a marriage conference, some marriage counseling, a new church, and even a silent retreat.

Like any process, it has it's highs and lows, but my husband and I are in full trust that the Lord will indeed restore and redeem our marriage as my husband figures out how to best serve me as a wife and help with the kids and the house outside of home repairs and yard work.

To be honest, things are better in my marriage when things are not stressed.

However, we are both (1) service-based professionals as a doctor and teacher and (2) we are raising SMALL kids.  With all of those roles brewing in a pot, STRESS comes with the territory.

Enter Jesus.  Even more specifically-  Enter the Holy Spirit.  He is the only one who can truly guide and navigate us through what our new lives  WILL BE and encourage us through the hills and valleys of what we currently struggle with.

So, readers, I am officially back behind the screen and tapping on this keyboard.

My book venture and project is in the reflective -on the outside looking in- stage right now.

I am in a learning community that teaches you the whole process and, man, it's a HUGE venture.  I still can't wait to  do it, but I'm in that slow it down and take it in stage.  It's not one of those things you rush through.  In fact, I learned that most authors take up to a year or more to research before even beginning to write.  

I don't know my timeline for all that- but, I do know I write best when I'm the girl that takes care of herself and others.

For the first time in life, I think I can do both.  

Wish me luck.  Cheer me on.

Let's do this Lord!

With Love.  Always,

Crystal