When Dreams Continue: My Future in a Painting

Dear Readers,

My Life Currently...

One thing that most people- who didn't grow up with me- may not know is that I love to paint.  Well, I used to- especially in high school- when I was coping with a lot of emotions and stress at home as my older siblings one by one moved out of the house- leaving me all by myself.  When you are the youngest of five,  that's a big deal and it was very "new" to me.

Well, in this pandemic, I have experienced a lot of needs I could not deal with elsewhere because of the social distancing rules and care of my family.  So, I have opened myself up to other avenues of release.  My kids just did some paintings for their Nana and Grandpa which awoke a desire to express myself with my own painting.  

This is a description of the beginning of my painting above:

• I'm in the corner with an arrow behind me- representing my background. 
•  It points to the most influential part of me and my every thought and decision I make- a HUGE heart full of Faith in Jesus (as of 2009).   Even as a kid, I always based all my choices on how I felt or what I cared for in my heart.  Before faith stepped in, I had lots of hurts stored in my heart and decision making was more about protecting myself.  Now, I feel  faith in Jesus has cleaned up a lot of those hurts and insecurities.  So, my heart has only grown BIGGER because of Him.
• The tree- strong, sturdy, and tall- symbolizes my family. The weird adult silhouettes holding each other are Ben and I.   The children silhouettes are my kids- Reagan, Reggie, Wyatt, Jude, and Baby M.  It's a thick tree because it's a foundational part of my life.  It goes from bottom to top because it's there forever.

• Between the tree and the heart, is a curvy blue house and a road.  That is our house and the city we live in- Chesapeake.
• The patch of green pasture is the fruit that the Lord has gifted us outside of our family and home.  The medical symbol is Ben's physician career.  The apple on the books is my teaching career.  If you look very closely- all the green dots are actually little people silhouettes that represent the people we serve with our jobs everyday.

      In my head, that's an abstract picture of my life currently.  Well, until my heart and mind grew more dreams.

  Throughout this pandemic, I have been praying and clinging to my faith in ways that I have never had to before.  In doing so, I had transformed half my closet into a prayer corner and a small office.  In my prayer corner, I study the book of Psalms- it's been my study since this all began and I record my prayers on my journal and pin them to my board each day.  This week, it's been a lot of reflecting on the strong thoughts and convictions I have inside of me in terms of my job.  

Before the pandemic, they were easier to set aside, but in the pandemic- I see a fight and fire in me that only continues to burn- not extinguish.  When I took the racial reconciliation class this Spring at church, I learned so much about racial divides in our country and the biases that still exist in our systems of power- education being one of them.  I was challenged at the end of class to take what I learned and just step out of my comfort zone to be one level of change above from where I had started.  That challenge is where my new dreams have blossomed.

This is the finished painting of My Life + the 10 year dream (plan):

My Life with New Dreams

• The first part of my new dream is going back to school.  I'm still praying and researching on the best fit degree and program- but I am willing to go back- little by little- towards a doctorate in Educational Leadership K-12.  I know I would have to start as an administrator and work myself up, but I would be willing to put in the time, the hard work, and the heart- for even a  small chance to impact, influence, and inspire change for a better future for all students, teachers, and families in my city.

• In my field, you could have the degree for many years before ever given the chance to have the position.  So, I just pray that upon- finishing my degree and being a good steward of my full-time teaching position- a door would open for me to be an administrator at a school.

• In that position of power and hopefully  more positions of leadership after that, I can start uprooting old ways that hurt our system and implement new ways of care.

• The large sun in the background is God's light shining on my dreams.

• The  tree (my family) throughout that ten years just grows more full- with green leaves symbolizing growth, orange leaves symbolizing transitions, red leaves symbolizing hardships, but green leaves symbolizing growth again.  My hope is that my family grows  stronger in pursuit of my new dreams- never sacrificing our growth through it all.  

This dream was birthed in prayer on May 1, 2020.  I finished the painting today, May 3rd.

My favorite part about following Jesus is my newfound freedom to keeping dreaming, thinking, seeking, praying, and loving- in new ways.

When I look at the beginning of my painting, I already feel gratitude for what I already have.  However, when I see the painting finished, I am blown away at where my life could possibly lead me.

I have always heard that our thoughts and plans are minor in comparison to what the Lord has planned for us.

In the case of this painting, I find that to be SO true.

Thanks for reading and Thank you Jesus for dreams!Love. Always,
Crystal