Dear Covid- Let's Call A Truce

Dear Covid,

I'm ready to make a truce with you.

I've been the virtual teacher

I've been the social distancing mama.

I've been the courageous citizen.

NOW, almost five months later- I'm back to being  me.

Covid, you've changed all that I know.

But, I'm ready to stop being mad at you.

With each passing day, I feel I grow more and more AWARE and EXPOSED.

You reveal everything...

what I'm dependent on...

what makes me happy...

what my personal priorities are....

what I spend my money on...

what I don't need to spend my money on....

what I think about my kids...

what my kids think I think about them....

what I think about my husband...

what he thinks about me...

how I limit myself...

how I limit God...

how I have SO much more in life to learn...

how capable I am to keep on learning..

ETC.. the list goes on..

Months ago,  all of these thoughts would overwhelm and piss me off. 

 Now, it is what it is, and it continues to humbles me in the following areas.

(1)  MY THOUGHTS

Anything is possible even if it means a blend of virtual and real-life  living.  Anything is possible even if I have to teach myself.  Anything is possible even if I have no one else to help me beside my four small kids and my working husband.   At the end of the day, I have to keep an open heart and open mind to new possibilities and creative solutions.  I have to believe- ANYTHING is possible- always.

(2)  MY PRAYERS

Prayer is a discipline and an act of acknowledgement that you in fact have a relationship with a living God.  His Word, His Timing, His Healing and His Provision- all of this screams- He is in control.  Leaders don't have answers.  People are scared and/or hurt.  Policies and laws are  consistently changing.  Lives are constantly threatened.  Our country is in shambles right now with more unknowns and conflicts than actual solutions.  God is the Alpha and the Omega- the beginning and the end.  My prayers are about seeking wisdom, having hope, and interceding on behalf of those in power and those in need.

(3)   WAITING

My most challenging discipline.  Every stage of my editing process for my book- I have to WAIT 8-10 weeks for returned feedback.  Every time I teach my kids a new routine and habit, I have to WAIT weeks for them to get used to it.  I can't give my opinion on things  because it could change tomorrow.  I can't make too many plans  because it could literally change tomorrow.  It seems everything in the new norm requires some process of waiting.

Right now, the world is reconfiguring and navigating through uncharted waters.  Waiting is the only respectable response to the leaders in this crisis.  When you choose to wait with a willing heart, patience, grace, and mercy- can grow in any individual.  That's what I want to gain through this crisis.  If you fight the inevitable waiting and act rashly too soon, you are constantly burdened with hardship, anxiety, and bitterness.  That is what I want to avoid from now on.

Submitting to waiting can set a healthy boundary for my heart and mind to live free despite circumstance.  I, literally, don't know what tomorrow brings, but I'll just have to wait and see.   If that is my daily mentality, I can still enjoy my life.

(4) JOY

Wherever I go, despite how troubled I feel,  I eventually get to the place where I make up my own joy.  It's my way of telling myself that I've fully accepted  the circumstance and am ready to move on. Well, in the past few months, I feel like I've reached my peaks of joy through this.  I spent a lot of time writing with Jesus- as I navigated through my first big edit for my book.  After considering my editor's comments- I ended up with a 20,000 word count increase and a almost completely new manuscript.  I've had lots of intimate family moments and family firsts.  I'm more in love with my husband than ever before and we have been able to laugh through things that would have brought us to anger/anxiety before.  I feel like my kids are  inseparable- a tight unit of siblings- which is warming because that is how I grew up.  I love watching them find security in our family unit.

   The pictures below are a small glimpse of little joys that have been surrounding me through this.    From family time to making spaces, we've had a lot to be thankful for.  

Family Time at Home

Visits to Lolo and Lola's house; The ONE tomato we grew in the garden

Water days with Daddy while Mommy goes to church-  Sunday tradition in the Summer Heat

Goins Family Time- Celebrating Father's Day and birthdays

Tanyag Family time celebrating Father's day and birthdays

LEGOS.  

Personal spaces-  my closet office, Reagan's room, The boys room- Reggie (top bunk), Wyatt (bottom bunk), Jude in the pack n play.

At the end of the day, COVID, we have to coexist.

I'm ready to forgive you of all the hurts, anxieties, and deaths you've caused in  my world.

As scary as you are with your rate of infection, I still want to model and live a good life- especially for my kids.

They have long futures ahead of them.

And, they will be the ones impacted by your effects the most by the time we come out of all of this.

I have a chance to grow them in courage rather than fear; joy rather than sorrow; and faith rather than animosity.

So, 

let the healing begin, Jesus.  

I'm ready to move on.

Love. Always,

Crystal