Confessions of a Spiritual Warrior

Dear Readers, 

The idea of this blog came to me after weeks of  feeling weary and defeated.
  I hate that feeling because I. NEVER. KNOW. WHEN. ITS. COMING.
Especially, in this time of crisis-response living.

So, I usually go through the same coping process:  realization, questioning/reflection, confession, and prayer.
I always have to end in prayer because the circumstances of. my. life. always. seems. out. my. control.
I can't keep up.
I won't always fit in.
I don't always have a voice and, even in the times that I do, I won't always be understood.
I have lots of people in my life that I love, but I can't always love everyone all at once.
I can't control the way they feel.
I can't control their actions or words towards me.
I can't stop them from hurting or feeling the wrongs in this world.
I can't convince them I understand their problems...
Nor, can I listen to all their whines and complaints.
In general,  I. can't. 
I. can't. do. it. all. 
I've got this reputation that I am a superwoman which is a flattering compliment.
But, it is not true.  I'm just as human as all of you.
The difference is- I. am. deeply. (I MEAN Deeply) in love with Jesus.
I am a living-breathing spiritual warrior.
Calling me superwoman is cool.
Calling me spiritual warrior is more accurate.
The strength and will  behind EVERYTHING GOOD I say or do comes from the Lord.
I believe whole-heartedly what He says about people.
I believe whole-heartedly that He works ALL things together for the common good.
I believe He has plans for me, my husband, my kids, my coworkers, my students, their families, and the world.
I believe in forgiveness, peace, mercy, grace, and the power of the cross.
I believe my life should be lived as a humble servant  to the world around me.  
Service is my weapon.
I  fight by serving others first.  I give any and every gift I got: patience, kindness, humor, hard work, and creativity.  Then, I might give something monetary or a physical gift.
I will guard myself and my own heart so I am strong and courageous in battle.
I delight in learning.  I pursue wisdom and knowledge all around me, so I can only fight bigger, harder battles for the ones who need someone to fight for them.  I am watchful with my time to not spoil it on  self-loathing thoughts, complaints, judgement, or anger.  Those moments can't help me or anyone else.
  Instead, I turn my heart constantly to the Lord whether it be His scripture, my Bible app, a video devotion, a worship song, my journal, or a sermon.  I crave his presence most when things are crazy and things have been forever crazy.  
For daily decisions, I cling to prayer and the guidance of  His spirit that lives within me (The Holy Spirit).   I feel comforted that my moral compass doesn't come from anyone or anything in this world- because it's the same world that keeps hurting me and other people.
I. just. don't. trust. it.
So, I fight my battles from the inside out and I love my life because of it.
There is always hope in the way I live now.
For that, I am thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving Readers!
Thanks for reading!
Love. Always,
Crystal