Sometimes OFF Duty Motherhood is in Order To Keep Sane

 Dear Readers,

I'm writing this post in the context of a six day stretch of  staying at home with a series of sick kids during my holiday break.  I had been fighting these STRONG familiar feeling of discomfort and discontent increasingly getting more prevalent as the days pass.  Yesterday, I tried to go out and get my favorite drink when Ben came home from work and the place was closed.  Today- I refused to wallow in self pity and asked Ben for a night OFF.  

Yes- OFF Duty tonight.

First, I made sure I picked up my favorite drink- Taro with Mango Pudding

Before it closed for the night.

Then, I went to my fav sushi restaurant and ordered all of my favs- JUST FOR ME!  No sharing needed.

Here is the truth after Covid-

I battle with -on and off- mom depression and it's triggered by isolation and loneliness with the kids- especially when they are sick.

The Covid shut down and quarantine was hard for me- staying at home pregnant with four small kids.  Then, coming back to in person teaching with the added stress of quarantines- put another level of trauma on me that was completely out of my control.  All of the hard decisions I made the last three years have been because of my kids and the responsibilities I bear in being their mom.

To financial support them...

To provide for their spiritual and emotional needs....

Then, to physically care for them through health and sickness...

And, then hopefully, make more time to be with them as they grow older- with my more professional pursuits.

Sick days home still have a bad taste in my mouth after Covid- so sometimes I need a break.

I write this post to give permission to any other woman who gets triggered in the same way.

I've become a stronger woman asking for days off when I need it.  

Rather than hurting the ones I love while I struggle through the big feelings and try to hide my hurt.  

Thanks to the hubby who loves me and lets me off.

Thanks to my kids who push me to be healed and well.

I know my children need me to be sane because 

this world is getting harder to navigate through each passing day!

Thanks for reading!

Love. Always,

Crystal